Everything has a Beginning and an End.

In order for me to fly, I have to let go. Let go of my “baby blog” that started me on the all-important journey of sharing. I have done this – maybe too much – and now I am ready to move on.

More than a Black Family Man, I am an Everything Man. A son, husband, father, friend, CE(verything)O, teacher, writer, author, lecturer, sports fan, believer in Christ and so much more.  A man. want to share more. I want to listen more.  I want to be more.

So I will. Via the conduit of Everythingmanradio.com, I’m about to make history.  That’s right, I got a radio show and it’s me and my man talking about things that matter when you are a family man.  If you have a family, this show is for you.  If you want a family, this show is for you.  And family is not just a spouse and kids.  It’s your aging mother and father; struggling cousin; your brother who needs to know that anything is possible.  This is man talk radio.  Not male: man.  There’s a difference.  We want men who the want the responsibility of being men. Responsible Radio.

All I can do is be who I am.  Everything Man. Brooklyn. 

www.everythingmanradio.com

On Twitter: @EverythingmanHB.

Pre-Nup or Not?

This is complicated…………….…….

When my line brother was weeks away from his wedding day, he told me that he had his soon-to-be-wife sign a pre-nup.  I laughed and asked why would he marry a woman who he thought he might divorce?  His reply was swift and punctual: “I have a child (not with the then-fiancé) and mother who I take care of. She can’t have their money.”

His response made sense. However, I was, and still am, bothered by the notion of outlining the parameters of an impending divorce.  Whatever happened to “til do us part”?  Are we not getting married with the expectation that this is my LIFE partner? Sorrowfully, it has now become (in my best Andre 3000 from “Ms. Jackson” voice) “Forever? Forever, ever, forever, ever???!!”  We are questioning our spouses and our collective ability to lead fruitful and happy lives together by injecting “rules of protection.”  Too many of us are predicting a future that, ultimately, we do not have any control over. Yes, divorce is on the rise and very real, but to “protect” yourself from it (or for it) seems like the marriage and wedding day is disingenuous. 

Maybe this is easy for me to say because I was twenty-five when I got married and I had nothing. My line brother and other friends of mine, male and female, in their thirties and forties, have assets and six-figure salaries that they covet. I understand, I guess, but I honestly do not want to be married to someone who I need protection from.  I want to be open with my heart, mind and bank account.  I want to be transparent.  And if something arises in my marriage where I make a costly mistake (infidelity or abuse) that makes my wife want to leave me, I think I owe her, at least, some of my earthly belongings. 

I say this knowing other couples who have split without having children and one pays the other alimony. This I do not agree with. Two people, both capable of working to live, should be able to support themselves. Child support is a no-brainer, and should be paid out to the primary caregiver of the child or children.   But a pre-nuptial agreement is a template for marital dissolution and despite it’s often apparent importance, I prefer to live towards the ideal.  Call me naïve, but also call me committed. If my wife and I fail at this, I hope we are above fighting over “stuff.”  I know divorce can be ugly, so instead believe in marriage and make it beautiful.

"I Struggle With............."

 Fill in the blank. Mine is “discipline” as I have consistently, throughout my life, yo-yoed with weight, finances and my writing habit. I know each of the aforementioned need daily attention yet, I’d rather watch Sportscenter six times in a row, cruise Facebook and glance at interesting articles in the NY Times.

The “I struggle with” mantra comes from the P90X disks that my wife bought me for Christmas. The same P90X disks that I swore I would listen and adhere to that have not been touched in weeks. Yeh, I did the ab ripper and plyometrics and even the chest and back workouts. But that yoga one killed me, couldn’t finish it and have not even dared to try to kenpo x. 

So, now you know about me.  What do YOU struggle with?  I am sure we have more in common than we think.  Health, wealth and God’s calling are things that most of us run from.  We think that we have longer on this Earth than we really do.  We tend to think that tomorrow will be the day that we can switch into super-people and do all that we are supposed to do. Wrong. I know that discipline is daily.  I know that I have to change in order to excel.  I know that if I continue to struggle with all of the above that I will die unfilled and have too many regrets. Unfair to me, my family and my God. I hope I change. Today. I hope you will look at yourself in the mirror, openly address what you struggle with and change today too.

Coach Done

Three weeks is waaaaay too long.

Life has been hectic. Good hectic, but hectic all the same. Travelling for work, seeing family in NYC and of course, little league baseball. Our team lost a nail-biter on Saturday and I am still reeling a bit.  Yes, I am that insane parent who lives and breathes sports with his kid. Do I disrespect other children and parents in my attempt to inject enthusiasm into the game for my son? Never.  Do I keep my energy up so my son tackles sports, tasks, and life with courage, conviction and passion? Absolutely.

But I do believe that, at this juncture, I am done. Done with coaching my kid on teams. While I will also work with him individually to sharpen skills – academically and athletically – I know that our time as coach and player has passed. I only know one speed as a coach and being extra hard on my kid is not fair.  I encourage others and can be overly critical of him. He’s six and I am sick (with it). Lord, help me.

So, I have made the adult decision to be a great sideline cheerleader. I want to be more positive that critical and ensure that I create a relationship with my son that is rooted in him following my model and/or listening to my wisdom than getting bored of my banter and tuning me out. I know I would. (“I would rather see a sermon than to hear one any day…”) He is as stubborn and convinced of himself as his old man, and in order for me to be half as good as my dad, I have to learn to listen more and scream less.

Work in progress. Forever.

Go Hard or Go Home

I love this slogan. It embodies the exact ideals of what we need to do everyday in order to be happy, healthy, leaders in our homes, industries and communities.  Standing on the sidelines and watching the nonsense of the world pervade all that we care about is a sign of apathy and weakness. I want no part of that.

This comes to me two days after Easter Sunday when most of us thought about Jesus and his Resurrection.  His sacrifice, his death and his rebirth, gives us all reasons to believe. Whether you are a Christian or not, you know the story and whether you believe it or not,  you probably know enough people who do to politely accept it.  At least on Easter morning.  Just like when the winter holidays roll around, we think about the “reason for the season.”  Well, Easter is the same thing: life, death, sacrifice, rebirth, change. It’s all good.

I do not read my Bible everyday and I have not been a consistent churchgoer.  What I am is a believer, and I believe that Jesus went hard. He did everything to his maximum ability and took very few days off. He was a man of conviction who tended to those who needed his love and help in order to get to where they needed to go in life.  Jesus was not weak, timid or a mere observer. He got into the middle of the crowds and made his presence known. His positive presence.  His commitment to us, all of us,  should at least make us aware of each other and encourage one another to do the same as he did: go hard.

So whatever you are doing in life, do not do it half-assed.  I do not, and you should not, respect or want to be around anyone who is lazy and uninspired.  They’re miserable and their need for our company cannot bring us down from the assignment we are on. Even on the days when we are frustrated and perplexed, we need to remember that going hard is the only thing we can control as it pertains to our fate.  We know we are not in complete control, we know our steps are being ordered, but believe me, Jesus and his Father smile on us when we go hard and their blessings are on us for our enthusiasm and willingness to fight the good fight. 

And the church said, “Amen”

Resurrection Sunday

Resurrection Sunday. The day Jesus rose from the dead. The day the seemingly impossible became, evidently, possible. Change. For the good of all.

On this day , I am thinking about doing what I once thought was impossible: forgiving my mother.  Now, it is just a thought and I may be getting swept up in the religiosity of the holiday, but I admit that change is necessary to benefit us all.

If you know me or have read previous posts, you know that my mother and I are estranged. Long story, but the abridged version revolves around mental illness, divorce, disappointment in choices, money and dishonesty.  It hurts me not to have the loving relationship with my mother I once had.  It hurts me to know that she is hurting and alone and longing for my love and affection.  This is very complicated and harkens the word “dysfunctional.”  But I am not alone. Remember, Cain killed Abel……..

Blackfamilyman. Protector and provider of his wife and son and not an outward lover of his mother. Sounds contradictory.  Maybe.  My struggles have been ongoing and I want them to stop. I think. I know right from wrong yet I am not doing right. I think.  I am hurting myself and blocking my blessing. I know.

Sharing My Sagacity

My little cousin graduates from college in a few weeks and I am so happy for him.  He is fourteen years my junior and has seen all of his Black male cousins on his mother’s side graduate too.  I know he felt a lot of pressure and it makes me proud that he is at this point in his life, where he has so much to do and so many options.

He did however, post on his Facebook page last night that he was about to purchase some earrings. Plural. I was taken aback for a moment thinking that maybe there something about him that I was unaware of. I do not think most straight men buy earrings -- or at least not advertise it – but I thought the better of it, texted him a one word question: “earrings?” and hit me back with a “lol!” which I think sufficed for a “cuz, no worries. I buy them in pairs and I am not gay.”  I was pretty sure I knew that anyway, but I had to confirm.

I also thought about his unfolding young adult life and the choices he has to make.  I know I will impart some advice to him when I see him at the graduation in two weeks, so I began to think about when I was his age and what I wished someone would have told me.

1)   Watch who you run with.  College is over. Real life is on and you cannot hang with people who are not progressing.  If folks wanna be voluntarily unemployed and smoke an abundance of marijuana, let them be.  If you hang with nine broke friends, you’re bound to be the tenth one.

2)   Don’t be quick to pull down your pants for every chick.  Not woman, “chick.”  Just because she wants to give it to you does not mean you have to take it.  Fellatio included. Too often twenty-something dudes sleep with anything between the ages of 17-30. Too much cheapens the experience. Like the girl and use a condom. Please.

3)   Be smart about your money. Jobs come and go. Careers change. Money is needed at all points in life. It is crucial that you save your cake and make prudent decisions when it comes to spending. We do not come from a long line of knowledgeable-money folks. Our parents lived paycheck to paycheck. We have to do better and learn how money can work for us.  I am learning too. Join me, primo.

One.Love.Best.