Skip to my Low

I’m conflicted (get used to it). As Black in America 2 airs for the second night on CNN, I ask myself -- as a Black person living in America -- why is this important for me? Admittedly, I am curious to see how “we” (the aggregate, as if there really is “one”) are portrayed but even more so, I am curious to know how this new information, if there is any, is digested by white people. I do not work anywhere that I will hear water-cooler talk but I might ask a few white people I know if they caught it and what they think. Most, I assume, will say “what?”

What is really on my mind is Skip Gates, our President and my son. When the news of Skip Gates’ arrest hit the news, I commented on a friend’s Facebook page “Skip, welcome to my world.” It was light humor given blatant racial profiling -- and a little bit of Skip’s intellectual entitlement -- but all in all, I was not that stunned. What Black man living in a white neighborhood hasn’t been harassed by police? Yes, this was his home and they should have left it at that after he showed his ID, but I was – as I usually am when it comes to racial prejudice – disappointed but not surprised.

Which leads me to my almost five-year-old son: when am I going to have to teach him about how to interact with “law enforcement” and other volatile and potentially powerful white people? Is it too soon to explain to him the differences and stereotypes that may plague him as soon as he enters kindergarten in three weeks? Should I talk to him about race relations and expectations? Again, I am conflicted. We live in a predominantly white neighborhood; he will attend another school where he is one of few Black children. My son is growing up in a time when he sees a man that looks like him leading the greatest nation in the world. We were part of the five million in DC for Obama’s inauguration. He remembers seeing my emotions and my pride and hearing me tell him repeatedly “you can be anything, you can do anything.” And here we are, only seven months later and I am contemplating how I should explain racial profiling and “the system.” I never want to give him excuses but even more so, I never want him to get arrested or even worse, Rodney-Kinged. Remember.

Core Four

Fourteen years ago, while spending a semester in Kenya, I came up with four principles that I thought made sense to live my life by. I told myself that in order for me to be all I wanted to be, I had to first take care of myself spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. To me, at age twenty-one, that meant seeking God, reading books, staying in shape, and finding a woman whom I could trust to be my life-partner. Naturally, I veered from these principles in various capacities and even adopted new mantras like "do what is right, not what is convenient" and "be strong, consistent and decisive." I was so young and inconsistent.

All of these are great sayings and each has helped me to get to where I am today despite not always heeding their implied messages, but now, at almost thirty-five years old, with real grown man problems on my plate -- health, wife, child, mortgage, bills, aging parents -- I am going in a new direction and trying a new saying. Hopefully the simplicity of it will stick.

"Be accountable and responsible to God, myself, my family and my people."

It does not stray too much from the original but it is more succinct. It helps me to remember why I am here and what I must do everyday. If BFM is supposed to be a forum by which educate, encourage and empower each other, this has to be our core four. We cannot succeed with prioritizing these principles, in this order. Time is running out and as we approach the mid-point of life and hopefully have another fifty to sixty years left on earth, shouldn't we get it together and simplify our ambitions? Yes, we have money to make and all of the above require that we allocate money for them -- including God (church) -- but let's not wake up every morning and say "let's get this cream." Instead let's try "Lord, please help me to be the man I am supposed to be. For you, for myself, for my family and for my people. Amen."

To be continued.....

BFM

Myintrotoletuknow - part deux

I have to start over. Again. And again. And maybe again. It's been a looooooooooooong time since I posted but I want to do this more consistently. I have to.

Black. Family. Man. Why would I want to be anything else? There is privilege and pain in this name and I embrace them all. I think. Regardless, I am a Black Family Man. Are you?

This will be my soapbox and I will implore all men to be men and to be accountable to your families and to be black. Unapologetically. There is something Divinely special about being who we are and I think it is time to assert ourselves and let the world know that we exist and have a voice!

Our President is imploring us to be responsible human beings. Is that so bad? Is that so difficult? To love the woman you are having raw sex with? To be hard-working, faith-filled males who have the courage and tenacity to do what is right -- not what is convenient -- for their children? None of us are perfect, but we can be diligent and we can adhere to a simple adage: "Be a Man." Take care of yourself, your family and your people.

Let's do it.

BFM