“Jealousy is a weak emotion…..”

I admit, sometimes I look at certain people who have certain things and I am jealous. I fight it but too often it wins. I want more money; I want a bigger house; I want to take fly vacations; I want to have gone to a better college and maybe had a clearer career path. Recently, I have been jealous of my own students. Kids who look up to me and respect my opinion, I look at and say “I wish I had it like you.” As someone who helps kids get into college, I have even found myself wishing I had gone to schools I am suggesting they apply to! I want to go the Ivy League school and make all the life-long connections! I want people to know that I am smart immediately when I mention my school’s name! I want what my students have!!!!!!

And then I smacked back into reality. Some of them want what I have. A pretty wife; a cute, smart, athletic child. A home filled with love and loyalty. So many of my kids are scarred by their parents divorce or emotional abandonment. They see me as happy and doing something positive in the world. Some of them even want to be like me. Sure, they know that I am not rich, but so many of my Park Ave clients/students are not sure money cures all ills. They have grown up with money and they are visibly not happy. Throughout my life, I have heard people say that they do not need to be “rich” but rather they just want to be “comfortable.” For a long time, and even now to an extent, I say ‘let me try being rich, and then I will tell you how I feel.’ But these kids, these NYC teenagers with seemingly unlimited financial resources at their disposable sometimes need more love than they do money. They see monotony of their lawyer fathers lives and say “no way.” Do they really admire me? Why? I guess for the reasons that I listed at the top of this paragraph. I am in love with my wife. I kiss my five-year old son as often as he will let me. I am contributing to the world and trying to make it a better place. I am writing this blog to empower and encourage them. And myself. Maybe I am not so bad. Maybe my jealousy is unnecessary. I am blessed and I just reminded myself of that.

Say it loud, “I’m faithful and proud!”

I saw something disturbing last night: someone I call a friend who is much more like an acquaintance, almost kiss a woman who was not his wife. Yes, she tried to put her lips – the same ones that will later graze the faces of his wife and kids – on a man that did not turn down her advances.  I was stunned, and I immediately had to leave.

We had met the woman earlier in the evening together and learned that she was from St. Louis, was moving to NYC and was 26 years old. My “friend” is almost forty. She was cute, sure, but she was a girl and once they started flirting, and drinking, I guess I should have saw it coming. About an hour went by when I realized that I hadn’t seen either of them in a while and as the midnight hour neared (I try to adhere to the rule that nothing good happens after midnight), I saw them chatting closely on a nearby ledge. As I approached, said my hellos and implying that it was goodbye, he offered to walk me to the bar for another drink. She said no, wrapped her legs around him (she was sitting on the ledge) and pulled him in with arms around his neck and legs locked around his waist. Dammmnnnn. I had no idea that flirting would go this far so quickly. I guess I am naïve and out the loop.

I am not sure what bothered me more, him allowing her to do this or the fact that she clearly saw his wedding band and didn’t care. Both sides are at fault. But for me, I just don’t get why men continue to cheat when we see very clear signs that it does more harm than good in your life. I cannot lie and say that I have never thought about it but actually letting another woman embrace me affectionately and then almost french kiss her is absurd. This went waaay too far and now I am thinking it probably wasn’t the first time

I am no saint; I sin in mind and body just like everyone else. However, what I do not and will not do is cheat on my wife. One, I don’t think I have the stomach for the guilt but two, and the most importantly, it is dead wrong. The woman who I looked in the eye on December 30, 1999 believes me when I say: “I will not betray your trust.” She believes me when I say: “I will not infect you with a sexually transmitted disease.” She believes me when I tell her: “no young, dumb jump-off chick is going to harass you or shoot me.” (Steve McNair). I try not to be judge and jury because I know that is a role strictly for God, but if we know right from wrong, and we are confident that our wives are being truthful and faithful to us, can we just keep it in our pants? Can we just be cool and contradict the pervasive perception that all men cheat? If you don’t love your wife anymore, maybe it’s better to leave her. She will respect you more than lying, cheating and allowing random chicks to grope you in the club.