Winning is the Goal

It took a little league tee-ball game to remind me of how much I hate losing. My son’s team lost last night and I was distraught. Yes, I know it sounds absurd but it is what it is. Throughout my childhood, I hated to lose as well. I can still recount when and why my teams lost games throughout elementary, junior high and high school. And no, I am not accusatory: some of those losses were my fault.

I claim to be a supportive and instructional assistant coach/parent but I really hate it when other kids are put in the position to be detrimental to our team goal of winning. No, I am not a believer in “it does not matter who wins the game, just have fun.” There is no fun in losing, and trust me, kids know that. When the head coach puts his lousy, distractable son in the field where the ball is likely to get hit (second base) that is bone-headed. When the best defensive players get rotated in order for everyone else to get a chance to “learn” the positions and we get creamed in those innings, that’s senseless. (As I write this, I realize I am out of my mind! I am upset with coaches and kids over a stupid little league game!) Kids want to win. Parents want to win. Shouldn’t that be our number 1 goal?

All right, I cannot espouse the venom towards this as much as I thought I could. I just like to win. Is that so bad? Is that morally wrong? I want to teach my son that in everything he does, he should put forth maximum effort to win. If he loses, it’s a natural occurrence, a part of life, but his primary goal should be to win. He’ll have more fun that way.

Man-Up

I miss my family terribly. Being away from them is, by far, the hardest thing I have to do. I am learning that most men who aspire to make a lot of money are often away from their loved ones for extended periods of time. Whether it is travelling or staying at the office well past the bedtimes of their children, family men must work. And work a lot.

I am conflicted. I want to provide for my family because that is the role that I have accepted but I need their embrace. I do not foresee myself ever being a 9-5 dude who can lay with his wife and kiss his son every night. I see myself as an entrepreneur, going where the money is and sending it back home to keep groceries – Whole Foods – in the refrigerator. Does this make me wrong? Am I more or less of a man? I know the answer, at least for me, but I cannot help but to be sad right now.

Yes, I have a job. Yes, because I own my own business and create my own schedule, I can spend two to three weeks at a time at home, which most 9-5 men could never do. Yes, I am blessed to have a vision and the direction for my professional aspirations.

And yet, I get lonely. And I want to sleep next to my warm wife. And I want to have my kid hug me around the neck first thing in the morning. Everyday. And yes, I will do what I must do and not what I want to do. I am a family man and I must provide.